Southern IL Lightning

60 Minute Mind Reading

America’s fascination with Anti-Sex Ed

I am back again after a decent hiatus, ready to bring some much needed seething back into your minds. But I will not be coming back gracefully, nay, I am coming back swinging. And what am I swinging at?

I am swinging at all these abstinence teaching, safe sex deferring lunatics out there. If you are one of them, wake up please. Or you will be a Grrrrranny (or Gramps) before you know it.

My inspiration for my 2008 finale blog comes straight from a recent study carried out by a large US federal survey. This survey was carried out in order to rate how many teens make pledges to remain virgins, and remain behind those chastity belts. It also shows staggering numbers when compared to those who do not make pledges… at least in the aspect of “to use thy Rubber, or not. That is the question.” Says Billy.

Through this survey, it was found that JUST as many teens who take these pledges sex it up as teens that do not. Fact is they find out once this vow is made they tend to sway… but before “marriage”  and their special areas find that there are more homes than just their pants. Go figure… Nature strikes again. Who would have guessed. I assume most biologists and animal instinct specialists from centuries past are rolling in their graves.  (Here’s a game, insert more witty sarcastic phrases here)…

I must say, how as humans, no as animals, did we assume this would be different?

I mean, hey I get it, we as humans believe ourselves to be “better” than other animals. We have bigger brains (well in advancement). We have verbal language, written language. We are atop the food chain. Surely we can keep it zipped till some old fart says the invisible man now recognizes you… Now, you and you, cant look at another her or him in that way again. Till death do you part.

But the fact of the matter is this. We are humans, we are also as stated above… animals. And please fill in this blank “_____ instinct occurs when survival is needed”. Ergo to survive is to reproduce, there-in sex due occur. Is this not nature?

Well I could go on an on about the general facts of life. But there has been numerous arguments and fact based documents proving this, this one being one more added to the list. So I will move on.

I look around as I type, here are my ratios and numbers from the Survey a la Casper. Take 1 of 1 room, holding 3 of 3 people, 2 of 3 people are male, 1 of 3 are female, 3 of 3 have had relations (passed third base, or sex for those that are not following), 2 of 3 had pledged abstinence (virginity till marriage), 1 of 3 have seen the grass on both sides of the fence (homosexuality for those not catching the phrase), 1 of the 1in both fields had taken the pledge, 0 of 3 are or have ever been married, 0 of 3 are or have ever been…

“I’m not pregnant [poignant finger in the air] So sayath the gay on the bench…

Any hard core Christians out there already itching at your stones. Serious statement following, hold your pants… Get a life.

Now as this survey continues it also points out the fact that of these card carrying, Abstinent pledging, sex crazed kittens, they rank 10 points lower on the scale of intelligence (this phrasing in regards to the depth and direction of parents, a La sexamunication or none. Ergo Sex Ed apart from Abstain only) compared to non-pledge giving others. Well not intelligence necessarily depending on your aspect of intelligence, fact being pledgers ranked 10 points less than non pledges actually practice “Safe” sex. Ya know the whole condom wearing apparatus and those buggered pills that the Catholics seem to despise, well  until they find that magic blue pill and the numbers begin to hit double digits.

Can you believe it, individuals that have been taught to always stray from the bed, and never learn about… well…. what may be lurking over that there fence blocking reality, actually do not use birth control. Or hell, disease control for that matter. Could it be that they may not know whether they should pinch the end before unrolling or blow it up and make a balloon animal then proceed.

Ok, all joking aside (as based on facts as it is) this is a problem people. The medieval days of out of site out of mind, don’t talk about it and it will go away are just not viable in a 21st century world. Well unless you live on one of those farms in Northern California or Utah. Seriously people are humans beginning to devolve back into the imbeciles of the (sorry to say) but Old Testament. Not the scriptures per say, but the stereotypical symbolism which our nation perceives said old days as. They are considered the old days for a reason, just as the era of slaves are considered a mistake made, and the days that the world was thought to be flat are all “whoops we got those wrong,” better think of something better. But in this case its not as difficult as being an astronomical physicist or a insightful and well verbalized politician with good sway and magnificent magnetism and charisma. All you have to be is a parent, a teacher, a mentor with an ounce of common sense.

If you have a child, student, sibling, friend that has pledged abstinence for the right reasons, not because you’ll go blind if you play with it, but because its what they want. Then at least for fuck’s sake teach them sex ed. Not “god said you will go to hell if you bump uglies before walking aisles.”

Does it hurt that bad to just say “Hey, some day you will find yourself in a position where you will want to carry into adulthood (or in this world at least adolescence) these are the things you need to know. Wrap it up, or take the pill. Tell your children that you would like them to wait, but if they do have sex, then be safe. Protection is easy and inexpensive. Its a hell of a lot cheaper than a baby having a baby or catching something only a mallet and a wood stump can rid you of. Or worse yet, something that 18 years will not even rid you of.

Just wake up America, quit beating your bibles and preaching your bullshit. This is the real world and we are animals. Animals have sex and it will happen. And truthfully some people do not get married till they are 40 or never at all… Can you imagine life NEVER carrying out something that people will do anything for. Just look at every movie made.

Which leads me to something interesting. Is there sex in heaven?… hmmm… still wondering when another religion is created and this new one hits the mainstream… What will be the next crayzeey thing this country thinks of in order to hinder the human race when this fad is over?